Pop Culture Torpedoes

Perhaps there are some of you out there who remember Bill Cosby’s albums. My dad had three or four of them, and my brother and I listened to them non-stop. I had memorized whole bits that I didn’t even understand. What’s strange is that there are things that have been implanted in my memory banks since I was so young that I don’t even remember where they came from. There are things that are so second-nature that I assume everyone knows them. There are things that I say that were picked up way back when I was little, listening to Bill Cosby, Old Laugh In reruns, and song lyrics. For instance, once at a dinner someone mentioned that a friend of mine was habitually annoying in a particular way, I said, without thinking, “Oh, he excels at that.”

It was then that a friend of mine turned to me and said, “Way to go, C3PO.”


Oh. Shit. Yeah. That’s from Star Wars. But, I wasn’t thinking that I was doing a movie quote at the time. It just came to mind. It’s Knee-Jerk Pop Culture Language Torpedo Deployment. It’s one of many phrases that just lurk around in my head like a submerged U-boat until such time as the perfect situation pops up. Then, torpedoes away!

Yesterday, I got to see Green Lantern. Now, I had heard different stuff. I also had seen a preview. I avoid previews as a matter of policy because they often give either an unrealistic view of the film or give you all of the major plot points so that there’s really no need to see the movie since you know what happens, anyway. Well, the preview I had seen made the movie look cartoonish and juvenile. Well, It was Gaelin’s birthday and that’s what she wanted to see. Surprisingly, I enjoyed it. It was a rather well done super hero movie. Anyone not familiar with Green lantern will get the gist of who he is, the corps, and the main players. I think they could have done much more with the ring’s powers, more of Hal’s training, etc. It was weird seeing a hero I had grown up with. Even weirder, that I was the only one saying the Green Lantern Oath along with Hal Jordan.

In brightest day in darkest night
No evil shall escape my sight
let those who worship evil's might
beware my power, Green Lantern's light!

I memorized that at age, what? 10? Nobody else knows this? How could that be? There it sat. Periscope up, waiting, watching, lurking. FIRE!

While we watched the movie, some theater flunky with a short lightsaber-wand-looking thing kept walking around looking for evildoers. He always stopped next to me. It was very distracting. Now, of course we had smuggled candy in, and Erica had to keep texting because she was coordinating dinner with everyone else. She was as discreet as she could be, but I was getting anxious that the movie-cop was on to us and that we’d miss the end of the movie by being politely asked to leave. I was thinking, “Be careful, or Ol’ Flashlight Johnson will get ya.”

Who the fuck is Flashlight Johnson? Ooooh. That’s from the old Bill Cosby and the Cosby Kids cartoon! He was the old man in the theater who would kick out the boys when they were unruly in the movie theater. (Can you hear the sonar ping?)

From there we went to dinner at Red Robin for Gaelin’s birthday. Red Robin has an online feature where you create your own burger. For someone like me, who is watching carbs, there is no better restaurant. I had both Erica’s and my custom-made burger printed out and in my pocket when we walked in. I highly recommend it. They have beer, too. Of course, when I bit into my bacon burger with TWO FRIED EGGS on it, I couldn't help but make the Homer Simpson Drool sound. Ohmm . . . (reload #2 bay)

After dinner, we headed back to her house in Urbana. On the way, we saw a classic 1969 Camarro off the road and put into a tree head-first. There was a guy standing outside the car with a cell phone in his hand. There was no other car stopped with him, so I immediately turned around. This was a 2-lane highway with blind curves for about a half a mile. I got behind him, turned on my flashers and asked if he needed any help. He was from New Mexico and had come for a Camaro rally in Frederick. His wife/girlfriend was very upset but nobody was hurt. He said that a racoon had ran out in front of him and, with the particular tires he had on his car, he lost control and hit the tree. It was still a tragedy due to it being a classic car.

We stayed with them for about 10 minutes until a police car drove by with the word SHERRIFF on the side. The deputy turned around stopped, turned on his lights, got out and strolled up to us.

“What happened?”

My mouth was moving LONG before I could stop myself.

“This guy was driving along when this tree jumped out and bit his car!"

Torpedo manufacturer: Bill Cosby. Album: Why is there Air?” 1969.

Hmm. Weird kind of symmetry, there. The Camaro was 1969. I think the car was the only one who might have got it, as the cop just gave me that “I’m putting up with your ass” smile. Erica looked completely shocked that I would be so callous. The guy on the phone ignored me. The lady from the passenger seat just kept crying. We gave our condolences and drove away.

But, really, I had no control. That had been floating in my subconscious for 30 years! There was NO way it wasn’t going to fire when it had the perfect shot.