The Navy taught me not to be co-dependent.

In the Navy, I learned a Mantra.

It was a simple one, but it’s really helped me out through the years.

        When you’re in boot camp, your overseers are called Company Commanders or CC’S for short.  One day, we had a senior chief come to us to train us in the proper way to commit suicide.  It wasn’t some black ops info in case we were captured by the enemy, it was the most brilliant use of reverse-psychology I’ve ever seen before or since.

You see, there’s always some guy who realizes what he’s gotten himself into a little too late.  He’s already signed the papers, he’s already sworn in twice.  Once you raise your hand, swear the oath, and sign that contract, there’s no going back.  Senior chief was there to inform us that even suicide, or, more specifically, a failed attempt at suicide, wasn’t going to do anyone any good, and that if we REALLY wanted to die, he was going to tell us the proper way. He told us many ways, actually.  He even told us how many minutes we were expected to live after cutting here, and here, and here, and there.  If you failed at suicide, he outlined in detail how you would be punished, what you would be put through, and where you would eventually end up.  “Down in the psych ward with those guys smearing shit on the walls.”  I’m not sure how accurate that last bit was, but it really drove home the fact that a failed suicide was just the beginning of your problems.

But, the one thing he kept saying throughout his talk was, “Fuck you.  Nobody gives a fuck about your dumb ass, anyway.”  Meaning: your life is your own.  If you don’t value it, nobody here will, either.

We heard it again and again.  “You want to die?  Fuckin’ great.  Nobody gives a fuck about your dumb ass, anyway.”

You’re probably trying to guess just how this could be beneficial.  How can such a callous attitude be useful towards someone who obviously needs help and possibly sympathy?  Well, that’s just the point.  No where is it written, in law or otherwise, that you are responsible for the choices of another person.  It’s not your fault that someone is angry.  It’s not your job to “fix” individuals.  You don’t have to feel sorry for people when they’ve done the damage to themselves.

Mind you, it’s not my first response.  It’s actually pretty far down the list.  But, there comes a time when you’ve done all you can and have to convince yourself that it’s just not your responsibility, anymore.  A person needs to hold himself accountable for himself.  It allows me to say, “I’m not going to do it for you” or “I’ll be here when you’re ready to listen.”  It takes me to the other side, to the place where I am not invested.

If you don’t value your life, no one will value it for you.  If you don’t value your education, nobody will cram it down your throat.  If you won’t get your ass out of bed, nobody is going to pull you to work.  If you are unwilling to help yourself, you have no right to ask me for help.

Sometimes I get caught up.  Another person’s goal becomes my goal, and I know they can do it.  I’m certain that they really can succeed if they’d just do more, be more, have a better attitude and just stop . . . “Fuck you.  Nobody gives a shit about your dumb ass, anyway.”

I won’t feel sorry when you hit the wall.  I won’t feel responsible when your time runs out.  I won’t take ownership of your failure.  I’ve done enough.  I’ve done more than enough.  It’s time for you to do something.

And if not?  Fuckin’ great.  Nobody gives a fuck about your dumb ass, anyway.